It was a Wednesday. I know this because Wednesday nights are when my husband has "work calls"-though I know that's not been true for months. I sat at the kitchen table with a cold cup of coffee and my phone face-down next to my glass of water on the counter, concentrating with all my might on not looking at the phone. The kids were upstairs and the house had that settled kind of noise which sounded like a shriek. And I typed something into google that I had been too terrified to type for a long time. "cheating husband counseling." And I watched, for a long time, until my eyes hurt, but I didn't click on anything. That night I just closed the window. But it was a beginning. Because I had asked, at least on the internet, if there was a way through this.

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